Friday, November 5, 2021

Sweet On You

Yep... Chick... Boss... shenanigans.

Chick walks in to see a huge banner across the top of the windows: DIABETIC OLYMPICS

A huge banquet table is filled with pies and there are several elderly people taking a seat. Some on crutches. Some missing limbs. A few appear to be blind. Oh Boss... 

HNOC: "What the Hell is this??"
Boss: "Glorified pie-eating contest!! You want in?"
HNOC: "Oh no, no, NOOOOO, I'm not letting you do this, are you crazy??"
Boss: "What? They're just pies, calm down!"
HNOC: "But they're diabetic, it could kill them!! I'm stopping this!"
Boss: "Come on, look at 'em, they're OLD, what they got to live for..."
HNOC: "Oh MY GOD, so you're just going to murder them via sugar overdose??"
Boss: "Eeeeh, they'll be fiiiine, you always with the drama!"
HNOC: *begins punching Boss in the chest and slapping his face*
Boss: "HEY! Take it easy, Jeeezus, what the fuck man??"
HNOC: "You need to be locked up!!! You, are a DANGER to society!!!"
Boss: "You hittin' the sauce already? It's only 11am... Chick, babe..."
HNOC: *pulls him aside* "Look, I've gone along with a LOT of your crazy shit in the past but I will NOT stand by and watch you send these poor old people to their graves! You fuck!"

Boss walks over, picks up a fork and pie, brings it over to Chick.

Boss: "Here..."
HNOC: "What???"
Boss: "Try it..."
HNOC: *she takes a bite... realizes it's a meat pie*
Boss: "See? Worry for nothing!"
HNOC: "What about the crusts? That's still a lot of carbs!"
Boss: "Chicken flour..."
HNOC: "Chicken what??"
Boss: "Flour. They dehydrate chicken and powder it, to make flour."
HNOC: "Eeeww, they can do that??"
Boss: "Fuckin technology, huh?"
HNOC: "Still, gorging on pies like this can't be good. I mean, they're OLD!"
Boss: "I had them all sign permission slips, just like good boys & girls..."
HNOC: "Them, or their next of kin??"
Boss: "Does it matter?? Jeeez.."
HNOC: "I'm putting a stop to this!"
Boss: "Hey, wait... yes, it was family members. Promise."
HNOC: "How can you even be trusted??"

A string of spectators enter Boss's office, they all take seats.

Boss: "See? Family."
HNOC: *does the squint*
Boss: "Go ahead, ask 'em!"

Chick goes around and checks with EVERY person there, making sure that each contestant is there willingly and WITH family supervision.

HNOC: *returns to Boss* "OK, maybe you're not as big a bastard as I thought..."
Boss: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a contest to oversee!!"
Boss: *runs to the stage, starts the contest*
HNOC: *watches on*
Boss: "Alright, you dirty bitchiz, first to clear their pile of pies WINS!! In three, two, one, EEEAT YOU FUCKERS!!"

Chick bows her head in shame. AGAIN.

Boss: "Third place gets a free pie! Second place; a free insulin pack! First place: TWO free insulin packs!!"

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